a prayer, a jolt

there’s a rhythm to everything
i can feel it
i can hear it
in the quiet moments mostly
before the world is awake
this jolt
this stirring of matter
whatever matters
this beating need to go on
what it is
where it comes from
maybe not knowing is the point
these things that i feel
are just answers
and the answer to everything
is yes

I pray
but where does it go
does it ever reach someone or something
or does it go on and on
i like to think
it goes so far out into the sky
that it digs itself up
out of the ground
and blooms
stretching itself up into the sun
i’ve kneeled in the grass
i’ve felt the wet earth
bleed through the knees of my jeans
there’s the jolt again

what is this body
it doesn’t feel like mine anymore
was it ever
once lean and strong
upright and tolerant
like the grass
built for building
where i am now
i’ve been before
isn’t it funny how
everything waits to be filled
again and again
and again

there’s times when i have too much
and it gnaws at me
chewing at the thick leather of my skin
it weathers me
makes me feel older than i am
these youthful and spry
yet cracked hands
filled with wishful thinking
i don’t want to die here
i can’t die here
there’s that jolt again
when time rushes over me
and fills me
it floods me
and i rise
floating on nothing but a prayer

there i see you.